About Imposter Syndrome

Olga Vvedenskaya
Hello, friends and thank you so much for joining the talk today. My name is Olga and I’m going to give the talk about the imposter syndrome today. The imposter syndrome is also sometimes called the imposter phenomenon or the imposter fear, and today we’re going to talk about what is it and how to manage it. As I already mentioned, my name is Olga Vvedenskaya. I have obtained my MD degree from Moscow in 2012, my PhD degree from Berlin in 2017. And for the last 4 years, I’ve been working as a postdoc in Max Planck Institute in Dresden, Germany. I am one of the organizers of the mental health initiative in my Institute. I’m also one of the organizers of the mental health collective of the whole Max Planck Society. And I’m also at Dragonfly Mental Health Chief Administrative Officer.

Before we started our talk, I’d like to underline that I’m not a healthcare provider. And the information provided today does not qualify as medical advice and does not substitute for seeking to medical professionals.

So, first of all, we talk about what imposter syndrome is, in general, then we’ll talk where it comes from, and then we’ll focus more on the experiences one may face in academia and then we’ll finalize the talk with the things of what to do. So, the imposter phenomenon which can be also called the fraud syndrome, imposter syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or imposter experience, describes high achieving individuals who despite their objective success, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistence, self-doubt, and fear of being exposed as a fraud or imposter. The imposter syndrome was first described by Clance and Imes in 1978. And so far, imposter syndrome is not a recognized psychiatric disorder. Mostly because this is talk addressed to the academia we’ll talk about the PhD students’ experiences, academic experiences, and professional students’ experiences. And according to the data from the 1998, around 30% of medical and pharmacy students suffer from imposter syndrome. And according to the paper published in 2020, up to 60% of physicians and physicians-in-training experience impostor syndrome. However, there are different rates being published from nine to 82. And it largely depends on the screen tool and cut off used to assess symptoms. And the symptoms are particularly high among ethnic minority groups. Among there, they’re common among both men and women across the range of age groups, and it is known that the imposter syndrome is often comorbid with depression and anxiety which associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, with burnout. And so far, there is no published studies evaluating treatments regarding the experiences, and I’m not talking about the symptoms per se, because it’s not registered disease yet.

So today I’m going to talk about the imposter syndrome experience. One may feel that despite the fact that the one has numerous diplomas assurances of colleagues, in their professional type, position and praise of their bosses, they still do not believe in their merits. And if you experience imposter syndrome, you believe that what you have achieved, which may be considered a success, it only happens through a happy coincidence and some luck, and not at the expense of your own talent and qualification. You may still feel like you’re driving others around, because you don’t really understand what you’re doing. And you don’t understand anything about your work and as already mentioned, imposter syndrome is not a medical diagnosis, it still can significantly ruin your life. Um, one may feel also that no matter what they do, all of it can be negatively evaluated. And they find themselves in the position that whatever they the position or job they have, they do got it by accident. So, the thought I can typically be, such as when they find out the truth about me, they will definitely give up on me.

And let me remind you of the story about the king who wanted to have the most fancy outfit possible. And what convinced that he has this outfit while actually the king was naked, and everyone could see it. So, the imposter syndrome makes us believe that we are here by accident. And as soon as people around us will, will reveal that we are that naked King, people will see that I’m that naked King that will lead to the feel of shame. And the self-esteem of people who suffer from imposter syndrome, it depends on the achievement that they can demonstrate, and therefore it’s not fixed. So, they feel like I achieved and therefore I have the right to be.

Where does it come from? There are multiple theories claiming one or another factor and this can be indeed one or another factor or or combination of them so people talk about, so the, yeah, people talk about the environmental or institutionalized discrimination, which cause the imposter syndrome or may cause the imposter syndrome. In some personality traits like anxiety and neuroticism, which is connected to childhood and attitude experience.

For example, we’ll talk a bit more about the trauma. So, if a child’s value is determined not just by the fact of their existence, but through the freedom of their achievement and the lack of them or the lack of them, then the child may develop later on the imposter syndrome. And this problem does not necessarily come from the family, it may come from the school or other environmental factors, basically, it means that at the moment of its development, the child was perceived by significant as an object of their own achievement, or an object that must constantly demonstrate these achievements. So, the child is noticed only when they did something and it was evaluated, for example, brought in A, won a contest, earn a million, or the child is constantly devalued by adults, and gets used to live in, in a world where they are constantly in the shadow where they achievements go unnoticed. So, in both of these examples, in both of the cases, the child’s basic value is ignored. No one is telling this child that it’s great that you are with us and that grade that you just exist. In the end, with such treatment, a person grows up with the feeling that they have to reach as much as possible to be seen, loved, or acknowledged. And let’s compare, for example, one parent may say, “Oh, this is a nice drawing, you draw a good technique, and we’ll send you to a very famous drawing school where only talented kids get accepted, so you’ll fancy, so you’ll enter this fancy school and become a famous artist”. And in comparison, a parent may say “Oh did you like to draw? Did you enjoy drawing? How pleasant I am that you have time and desire to draw, and we can do it together!”

And when it comes to the academia precisely, such such environment like in academia brings the systematic approach to develop imposter syndrome in in academics. So, it is estimated that around 20% of university students suffer from imposter syndrome. However, out of my experiences, these numbers are much larger. For example, when we were talking about imposter syndrome talk with my colleagues we got together and it was around twelve of us, only one said that they don’t have an imposter syndrome while other 11 claimed that they do have imposter syndrome. What are these systemic things which make academics and people close to academic life experience imposter syndrome? One thing is the constant comparison of academic achievements starting from sometimes kindergarten then promoted in school and uni. For example, one thing that I used to be the best, and I used to have the best grades in school, but now I’m the most stupid person in the uni. Sometimes the it is, is constant comparisons of research achievements such as, for example, one may think my peers have already published so much and I have just done a PhD and I don’t know what I’m doing and they have already publications in Nature, Science itself. Sometimes it comes from the top. So sometimes the supervisor can say all my PhD students have to graduate with a top journal paper, and you will not graduate until you have one. And of course, we probably have all experienced the constant comparison on efforts put, for example, the PI can say, my other PhD students work during the weekend. And you may feel that because you don’t work on Saturday, and Sunday, you’re a sloppy PhD student so you don’t belong there. And this call causes the whole thought process cause one to experience the imposter syndrome. And of course, a sudden unsuccessful event on academic path. For example, one may think things were fine, but I got destroyed by supervisors during my defense and I barely passed, or I don’t belong here. I don’t deserve my PhD.

Another thing is financial instability, especially compared to the peers who did not choose academic path, or chose academic path coming from academic families. So, this is particularly valid for the first-generation scientists. So, their parents may call them oh, your former classmates are married and providing for their families and you’re already 32 and still didn’t have your defense. Why don’t you find a final job, find a normal job finally? And so, all the things make the person who suffers from imposter syndrome evaluate themselves through their achievements. And especially, it is promoted by the system in academia, because in academia, that is the success criteria. And so, if you evaluate yourself through achievements, you will feel that you don’t have a solid fundament, you don’t have a solid self-esteem. And especially this is the case because the failure is pretty much a part of a job in academia.

And, of course, when it comes to the experiences of marginalized groups, such as persons of color, LGBTQ plus folks, first generation scientists, scientists with disabilities, international scientists, and women, they experienced institutionalized discrimination, and they’re often told that you’re not good enough for academia. You’re too pretty to be a scientist, your outfit is not academic enough. And so, one of them that you haven’t should have chosen some other job if you want to have a stable financial situation. But all things make a marginalized group to feel that they don’t belong in academia. So, they do experience imposter syndrome.

What that experience causes when it comes to the mental health is that imposter syndrome brings the constant basic background anxiety, which on closer examination turns out to be fear and shame. Well, this is the fear of being bold and the shame of not being at your place. And those the imposter, the person suffering from imposter syndrome always has the feeling that everyone else knows how to live, but they don’t, and they just pretend. So, they smile, nod, participate in conversation, but there’s some important part missing in their life, maybe some knowledge or some skill. And if it becomes clear to others, something terrible will happen. So basically, according to all our evaluation, pretty much everyone seems to know what they’re doing. And then you’re the only person who doesn’t know what’s going on. And what is this something terrible, which may happen if everyone will find out, first of all, is the fear of exile and it is especially impactful for immigrants. So, when we think oh, my contract will be terminated, and I will have to go back home without a degree if they find out that I don’t understand anything about it. And such anxiety can disguise itself in a great fatigue, can turn into procrastination, which is connected to a sort of non-fulfilled perfectionism or sometimes it can also disguise itself in substance abuse.

And another thing, which person with the imposter syndrome experiences is that they, that they’re, they live with the concept of the constant desire to receive confirmation that they really have the right to be there and to have what they have. So, this is the desire to be supported by someone outside. Like instead of thinking I’m fine and I’m a normal person who has different days, some good and some bad, one feels that I have to become perfect. And if I become perfect, no one will be able to pick on me. And the main issue with this particular aspect is that such, such a desire, and such, an assessment will never be saturated. And even if they’re told that they’re good, doing good, it only causes the temporarily relieving anxiety. It comes from the belief that one can become ideal. Again, so when you’re told by your boss that you’re doing great, you may think, oh, they just say because they feel sorry for me, or because I treat them well, or they distract me, but in fact, I know that they’re looking for someone to substitute me. And as we have already mentioned, the danger of imposter syndrome as well as of any other neurosis, is in its reduction of life quality, and a person life in general, not as pleasant, and full and it could be.

And when it comes to particular things which are lacking in the PhD student experience, and for example, this study is about STEM PhD students, they say that they’re imposter syndrome and imposter feeling during PhD students were linked to the lack of progress or feeling of progress and the lack of public recognition. It also was linked with the comparing oneself with others, with the willingness to develop certain skills such as public speaking and scientific writing, with the lack of application of new knowledge and with the difficulty in asking for help in so I bring this up, this particular slide because these are the things one can work on to feel, to feel less of an imposter, and what can be done from the perspective of major healing. So, one thing it’s important to notice and accept. Fighting important syndrome per se, fighting and the sort of I have to fight the imposter syndrome is not productive, because it equals to an improving person. So, you decide, okay, I’m not good enough, I need to improve, I need to fight my imposter syndrome. And basically, will just feed your constant suspicions of you yourself not being good enough.

So, the doctors recommend psychotherapy, long term and nonlinear. And you have to be careful because with the with the short-term therapy and coaching, you may feel that okay, now I will learn something and then I’ll become better. And it’s the same trap with I’m not good enough. And I have to learn. So, good reasoning when a person learns something of interest. For example, I want to learn how to write grants can turn into a meaningless perfectionism, we talked about and strive to promote something, to prove something to someone. For example, if I don’t write perfect grants, I will not be considered as person or as a good person, as a good scientist. So, I’ll go and learn now. And it doesn’t matter that I really love teaching students and I hate writing grants. And the main approach when it comes to psychotherapy, is aimed at the person meeting their own personality. So, the patient learns how to identify their own feelings filled the first stage would be to define their own emotions. The second is to identify the need behind these emotions. And the third is the orientation, what exactly one wants to do. And if you haven’t been taught, or if you haven’t learned as a child on how to identify your own emotions, and what are the needs behind this emotion, and all the other steps, it’s extremely difficult to find it and learn it when you’re a grown up. That’s why this therapy takes time. However, it’s absolutely worth it and extremely improve the quality of life upon treatment. It’s important to start somewhere and it’s important to go to therapy and to try different therapists, there might be the possibility that you will not find a fitting therapist right away and it may take some some time. But it’s definitely worth the investment. It’s definitely worth checking it out. And yes, it’s the long-term process, like the childhood traumas healing, take years to heal, but it definitely is worth it.

What can be done now, my suggestion is to connect to your peers. It’s highly recommended to talk to your peers to your friends and colleagues from science, about the impostor syndrome, and share the your feelings if you trust them. And this is very highly likely that you will experience that your teammates and your colleagues are on the right side of the bench and the left side of the bench experiencing the same. And for me, particularly, it was really helpful when I talked about my imposter syndrome to my colleagues whom I thought was like, and I still believe that they’re the best scientists in the world and they still experienced imposter syndrome, which I thought they would never experience. So, a pair of “imposters” can suddenly discover with a surprise that they’re both hiding something of their own part, and they wouldn’t want to be exposed. Another thing which one may try is to try to use the principle of sufficiency which is the opposite of the principle of ideality. So, this feeling of sufficiency, it’s important, it may gradually heal the imposter syndrome. So, you should always tell yourself that I can be sufficient for what I do, and I can be sufficient for my job. Some skills I’ll get, some skills, I will lose. Somewhere I’ll sink and somewhere I may be better than others. So, the principle of sufficiency, opposite to the principle of I have to do everything perfect is something which you may try to work on and try to implement in your life.

And of course, this approach can be promoted by team lead. So, team leads especially when it comes to multidisciplinary teams, and most of the times now done anyway, in multidisciplinary teams, they can promote such an environment and say that everyone brings something to the table, we can’t know everything. But our knowledge is important to the team. And this is which I found encouraged team lead and principal investigators to promote.

My final slide is sort of to do list on the ways to cope with importer syndrome. And we have already discussed, it’s important to know the symptoms and the signs. It’s absolutely essential to know that you’re not alone who suffering from this. I strongly recommend you to recognize that you’ve earned your position, you are where you are because of your hard work, and try to stop comparing your work to the work of others. You also should learn how to accept congratulations on your achievements, and really learn how to deal with the perfectionism. You definitely should try to be kind to yourself and try to success, try to track your success. I would also recommend you to talk to your mentor or PI. If you feel like this is something which you can do. I definitely encourage you to try therapy and to embrace the feeling.

For this, I’d like to thank you so much. Bye.